Connie Bravo explores Sailor Moon
by NeroMan
Summary: An anthology series wherein Usagi and Lina make love, Rei fights a dragon, and other characters have unmemorable appearances. This website really ought to have "surrealism" as a Genre.


CHAPTER 1

Darien and Andrew were playing basketball together. On the same team, against Shaquille O'Neal. Shaq was winning the game because of the power of his mighty Shaq-Fu and also because he's roughly twice as tall as either Darien or Andrew (or roughly equal to their combined height). But enough about those guys, when I read a Sailor Moon fanfic the last thing I want to read about is dudes.

CHAPTER 2

"You know I've always admired your body" Usagi said as she took a sip of Moutain Dew the most radical drink for all radical dude$.

Lina blushed upon hearing this flattering comment, "I hear a lot about my body, but really I don't think it's anything special" which is technically true since Sailor Moon characters basically all share the same anatomy.

Yadda yadda yadda Emotional revelation, this is where you hit ctrl+f and type "panties" to skip to the bit where one of the characters is taking off their panties.

Meanwhile, in another part of the city... Chibi Usagi and Hotaru were having a pirvate conversation. But I can't really write Hotaru since let's be honest, we all lost track of the show before she showed up. So let's roughly transition back to characters who might still not be legal age but they're at least drawn that way.

Lina stood in her bedroom, in one of their bedrooms in only her white panties, indicating that this was when the good part starts. Beams of daytime sunlite shone through the windows, illuminating Lina's frame and reflecting off her pale skin. In Usagi's eyes Lina glowed bright as the sun. But not literally since that much heat would be fatal to all parties involved in this fiction.

For the record while I write this I am waiting for a pot of water to boil so I can have some delicious spagetti and I'm watching Looney Tunes on TV. The new Looney Tunes show is actually pretty solid.

Usagi, also totes in the buff, leaned over to bring Lina into a hot kiss. Their mouths came close enough together that an artist would make the contour between their lips vanish.

Then they totally did it, it was MAD HOT YO. Hands on boob, lips exploring all kinds of things, and then there's an exciting 3D segment with cinematography worthy of Michael Gondry that you wouldn't appreciate since this is only prose.

Together they came to sexual climax and the feeling of ectasy and pleassure shot through their bodies like the eurphoric sensation of voting for Ron Paul.

Satified with the expeirence of growing closer together both emotionally and physically, Usagi and Lina lay in bed together pondering the implications of their new relationship. Then Usagi's rarely seen brother Shingo knocked on the door asking where the spare roll of Duct Tape was. Duct tape is the most radical bonding material for all radical dude$. Knowing Shingo might not accept her relationship, Lina stayed silent as Usagi improvised an answer that got Shingo away from the room.

With the romantic moment broken and their sensual encounter basically ruined, Usagi and Lina spent the rest of the day playing Shaq Fu on the Nintendo Genesis.

CHAPTER 3

"Hey Haruka?"

"Yes Michuru?"

"You're Sailor Uranus right?"

"According to Wikipedilia, yes."

"Ever notice that the word Uranus sounds like 'Your anus.'?"

"No it doesn't, my anus sounds like this..."

Haruka then verbalized a bunch of fart sounds with her lips and tongue.

CHAPTER 4.

Rei, donning her Sailor Moons uniform, gazed at the nordic behemoth who levelled an assault against the temple that Rei called home. What reason and motives this monstrosity had for such agression was unknown to the royal warrior, who presently only concerned herself with how to go about removing the violating monstrosity. The dragon's length was hard to gauge because of it's feverish undulation but it was at least fifty feet wide and covered in black scales absorbing all light. The dragon's head was a reptilian looking horror with two nostrils expelling noxious fumes, and the creature's piercing red gaze cute through the fumes and boil Rei's soul. She gathered her vigor and dashed towards her target, bringing all of her firey rage with her.

She began her war by summoned a torrent of flame to incinerate the dragon's skin. Yet the inferno only aggrevated the dragon further, who responded to the by attempting to seize Rei with it's numerous large claws. Rei skillfully avoided being grasped, a volley of flames protecting her as she forged closer to the Dragon's head.

Soon she was close enough to peer hrough the dragons teeth and with an ancient gesture, she commanded a typhoon of flame to pour into the monster's maw, the flames burning their way towards the gullet and eventually building up until the suffering wretch's abdomomen errupted in an explosion of flame, agony, and monster guts. Rei stood in the wreckage of her foe, body sill poised for battle and her heart racing as monster blood cooked into the landscape.

Wiping a handful of the creature's organs off her face she gazed up at a new red light descending from the sky and heard a distinctly red voice whisper to her soul, "Rei Hino of Earth, you have great rage in your heart, welcome to the Red Lantern Corps."

CHAPTER 5

"Wow that last chapter was rather intense." Said Lita, regarding the previous chapter. "And I'm not sure too many people will understand that bit at the end." Although she really understoof that the function of the whole piece was to offset the tone of the other bits. Her awareness of the medium being a side effect of author favoritism.

Amy would have offered her own insight, perhaps noting how this fanfic was closer to an anthology than a single cohesive sequence of events, but she was busy playing Farmville.


End file.
